Finding a local mentor

Many people have reached out to me asking how they can find a local mentor.  This is an important step in growth of skills for most people, regardless of how detailed an precise I and other instructors try to be in online tutorials, there are things that people may miss.  Having a mentor can help you uncover those areas far more easily.  Plus, they will have their own style and their own experiences and ways of doing things, and some of those may work better for you than what I have shown.  There is no “one true way”.

So: How do you find a local mentor?

Here is one way that works well for many people:

A great resource for finding local contacts, and for socializing and learning about *anything* kink related is

Getting an account there is free.  Once you create an account, you can start your search using these terms:

“NameOfYourClosestLargerCity Rope”   (e.g. “St Louis Rope”, “Cincinnati Rope”, “Leeds UK Rope”, “Rome Rope”)

Most major cities have at least one group dedicated to rope and will often have organized meet-ups to talk about it, do mini in-person classes, what have you

“NameOfYourClosestLargerCity Munch” 

A “Munch” is the name of a meeting that takes place in a public place so that people can meet each other, get to know one another and talk about kink without taking the risk of going to some unknown person’s house or some other risky thing like that.  Munches are like a community outreach and early education venue.  Any given group may not currently be meeting in person while covid is raging, but they may be.  Note that there are likely to be multiple munches put on by different groups with different interests.  I would suggest trying several before you settle on one to attend more regularly.  Every group is different and you may find yourself connecting more naturally with the people in one of them over another, even if the theme of that group is different.  For example, if you are under 35, you may find that you connect better with a “TNG munch” than you do with the “rope munch” because member of the TNG group are all under 35 too.  Or you may find that a general munch group offers the opportunity to talk about a wider range of topics than does a group focused on the latex fetish.

“NameOfYourClosestLargerCity TNG Munch” 

A Munch for people 35 years of age and under

“NameOfYourClosestLargerCity Rope Munch” 

A Munch for people particularly interested in Rope

But, having recommended the site, understand that this is a collection of individuals.  The vast majority are good people, are constructive, well-meaning and willing to help.  But, as with any other community, it also has members who are not trustworthy.  Do your research.  Vet any individual that you are thinking of meeting, make sure they are known in the community and have a good reputation.  Protect yourself.  Use good internet safety skills.

I wish you well as you embark on this exciting journey!


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  1. I’ve been on fet life looking for a local mentor. And the closest large city to my location is 4hours away? I have the drive and passion to learn. So far I just stick to the easy ties well because practice makes perfect but I need mentorship to so I know that I’m not going to injure my partner and that I’m ready to start on the more intricate art.

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