A Framework for Successful BDSM Encounters
This post is part of a series that begins with Understanding “the Scene”.
In the BDSM world, we commonly talk about several elements that are important to having a successful encounter. Here at TheDuchy, we like to put those elements together into a General Encounter Framework. We believe that every encounter — whether BDSM or vanilla — will have a better chance of being successful if they follow this framework, if they explicitly and consciously decide on each of these things instead of letting whim guide them.
Some argue that something like this kills spontaneity, but we disagree. You can absolutely be spontaneous, but doing so within this framework allows you to do so in context of greater personal safety and empowerment, within the guide rails of things that you have explicitly discussed, understand the risks of and have agreed to.
The foundation of everything we do is Consent. If you have not already read that post, it is important that you go do so.
Each item below is a discussion in its own right, so we split up the content onto several more bite-sized pages. You can use this page as the jumping off point, or just follow the path by finding the next topic at the bottom of the current page.
The General Encounter Framework
- Find someone you’d like to play with.
- Vet your potential play partner to confirm if you do, in fact, want to scene with them.
- Negotiate together to find common interests and agree on what will happen in that scene.
- What is permitted
- What is not permitted
- Physical, Medical & Psychological needs or limits
- Risks unique to scenes involving rope
- Nerves & Circulation
- Much more!
- Plan the scene with the negotiated elements.
- Plan what you will do — what is permitted — and how.
- Plan what you will both do if things go according to plan.
- Plan what you will both do if things go awry.
- Set up and conduct the scene.
- React to positive and negative things, address issues.
- Provide aftercare to everyone involved.
- Tops and Bottoms all have needs.
- Make sure everyone is okay and back to themselves.
- Process your emotional and other reactions after the scene has ended.
- You may experience heightened or lowered emotions, ebullience or drop, or both.
- Note lessons learned, both positive and negative. Learn from your encounter.
- Decide if you want to do more with that person or not.
- If things went well, this may have been a step toward establishing an ongoing relationship.
Each of these topics has a wealth of detail. Review each link for more. Starting with…
