DBRT 011: Custom fit

A few days ago I had the pleasure of tying with my friend Hekate again. The tie that I was working on this time was the Pentagram Harness. It’s a very attractive chest harness that was way more satisfying to create than I was expecting. I decided to attempt variation 2 which includes a few more half hitches to add some additional stability to the chest harness. I really like the look of this chest harness, but I did find that I needed to loosen it quite a bit, especially around the shoulders, to make it comfortable and sustainable for Hekate.

 

She apologized a few times when giving me feedback about how the chest harness felt and could be improved, but those little nuggets of information were extremely helpful! I was able to understand better how the harness was constructed and how the construction could impact the experience of the person wearing it. A few days later, my Master tied one on me and I could really understand where the pressure points could become problematic, especially around the collarbone.

 

I think I attempted to tie it about three or four times in total, and it was very fun to see how it looked when layered with other pieces of clothing. The neckline is quite high up, so it looks very nice peeking out from underneath the jacket or some other lower cut top. I think it could look really cute as part of a Gothic outfit, or something that someone might wear to an event. Maybe with a different kind of colored rope than the one that I used?

 

Something that I really appreciate about rope bondage is that every piece is custom fit to the person who is wearing it, and to the version of themselves that is showing up on that particular day. Sometimes our bodies are more inflamed, or stiff, or our minds are more open to discomfort than we are on other days. When done well, the tie changes to reflect that.

 

After I got the harness adjusted to a point that felt comfortable for her, we went out on a tour of my garden and walked around the yard. Admiring the flowers that are blooming, the birds flying around, and other silly things that caught our attention. It was a lovely way to spend the afternoon. I’ve got a new recipe that I’ve been playing with for a sourdough focaccia that turned out quite nicely. We topped it with flaky salt and rosemary and it was a wonderful addition to a little caprese salad we made for a snack.

After Hekate left, I got to thinking more and more about the role of rope in physically intimate relationships. While neither of us are romantically or sexually involved with each other, we are definitely more physically involved now that I’ve started practicing rope with her. And this is a new and interesting type of relationship I am learning to explore. A kind of social context in which physical intimacy is expected and okay, but where sexual contact and deeper relational or romantic connection isn’t present. This is a new and interesting challenge for me.

 

So often we forget to think about the value of non-sexual physical touch in our intimate relationships. In romantic relationships things might start out hot and heavy and exciting, but after a while physical touch that is not directly tied to sexual activities falls to the wayside. And so, if somebody isn’t interested in having sexual contact, they might flinch away when another person tries to initiate some sort of non-sexual physical touch. I know people who have personally experienced this, and it can be really hurtful and damaging to the relationship overall.

 

Rope can be a really interesting way to explore touch and intimacy, trust and connection without a sexual component. Absolutely, rope can be a very sexual thing. In fact, I really enjoy having rope as a component of sexual activities myself, but I also really value rope in a non-sexual context. I love being able to just relax into the present, to be in a state of forced mindfulness meditation, while I let my partner take control of my body for a little while.

 

That’s part of the reason why I started this journey. I want to be able to create similar experiences for other people, and I want to seek out more of that type of physical attention in my own life.

 

Navigating this type of relationship is also a little challenging for me given that I am a young woman. If I want to tie other people, and especially people I don’t know super well, I’m going to need to navigate being physically intimate while also protecting myself from additional unwanted attention. It can be very easy as a young woman to have your kind forays mistaken as sexual invitations. Sometimes something as simple as a smile or a compliment can be misinterpreted as an invitation for sexual advances.

 

I really like people. And I really like getting to know them better, but I’m not really interested in exploring sexual relationships with people who I don’t know very well. At least not at this point in my life. But I would like to explore physical intimacy with other people. And disentangling those two concepts is kind of hard for people who live in my part of the world. Physical intimacy is something that’s almost exclusively reserved for sexual partners. That’s slightly less the case for cisgender women, but even so it’s still kind of sticky.

 

I’m not exactly sure where I want to finish my thoughts on this, because it’s kind of an ongoing thing I’m pondering. But this is where I’m at right now, and this is my diary so I can say whatever I want.

 

Cutting room floor:

• Pentagram harness with Hekate
• Multiple attempts to get it right in terms of tension, appearance, comfort, etc.
• Rope is custom fit. Sometimes it takes a few fittings to get it right, but it should be uniquely tailored at the end of every tie.
• Hekate apologized for giving feedback, but I left that day being a better rigger than when I started *because she gave me feedback. Now I’m considering new situations, accommodations, and questions to ask. I’m better prepared to tie with her and others. I am more experienced not only with the pattern itself, but the process of interacting with another human being.
• Every tie on every person is going to be slightly different and every time you tie on someone you’re going to be slightly different.
• Not wanting to give off the wrong signals. How to be physical in a space that is between platonic and sexual. It is tricky to navigate as a young woman.

This writing is part of a series called “Diary of a Baby Rope Top” by Kajira Blue, the rest of which can be found at TheDuchy.com/blogs.

---