Spicy Date Nights are officially here, so let’s get spicy!
Carving out time to care for the relationships in your life can be a challenge when so many other things in our lives seem more urgent. The laundry that’s been piling up, the dirty bathroom mirror, the emails, the personal growth. There are so many things that can distract us from what really matters: the loving relationships that tie us together and lift us up.
The world is getting increasingly divided along so many lines, and division will only hold us back, not move us forward. So, I’ve decided to start a new series (Spicy Date Nights) focusing on economical stay-in dates that are sexy and fun without breaking the bank. And even better, they don’t have to be exclusive to those in romantic relationships! Set up a time to connect more with a friend or play partner, follow these outlines and you’ll have fun, I promise.
How to spice up a relationship when you live together
I’ve talked to many people who find that once they move in with a romantic partner, their interest in sex and kink takes a nosedive. Sometimes this is due to a shift in life circumstances or stress, but I would say it is more often than not related to one simple problem: a lack of scheduling! People look at me like I’ve got two heads when I suggest scheduling sex or kink in an established relationship, but isn’t that exactly what you were doing before? The early stages of dating require *preparation* and *planning*. Getting together is an event! The foreplay starts as soon as you set a date, and who doesn’t love a little anticipation? Why is the unspoken assumption that planning such events is no longer a thing once you move in together?
How to get ready for a casual date
First and foremost, let’s get you feeling fresh and comfortable! If you’re coming off of a long day at work or school, start by cleaning yourself up a bit. Take off your daytime clothes and freshen up! A personal favorite of mine is the good old-fashioned wash cloth shower. It takes me so long to wash and dry my hair, so I dampen a washcloth and wipe things down. Cleaning up my face, armpits, and genitals does wonders for increasing my confidence and willingness to get frisky later on.
Next, make yourself feel more confident by putting in a bit of effort. It doesn’t take much, but you know that little thing that takes some time but makes you feel way more confident? Do that. For me, eyeliner and fake eyelashes make me feel like a million bucks. Maybe for you it’s a collard shirt or a stretchy jumpsuit. Whatever it is, do it! You, your relationship, and your partner are worth it.
Simple spring-y date night idea
Now that you’re feeling fresh and cute, let’s do something fun! It is spring in the northern hemisphere and the world is warming up, it’s time to get outside. Find a park or walking path nearby with good ratings. Consider taking a short bus or car ride to get to a particularly picturesque spot. Bring along some bug repellent, sunscreen, and a lightweight coat or wrap just in case (weather is weird this time of year!). If you’d like to, you can also bring a blanket to lie down on and look up at the sky with your date.
Activities to do once you’re on the date
Take some time to slow down and enjoy the present moment with your partner. Point out notable plants, rocks, and landscapes. Talk about them. You don’t need to force an earth-shattering conversation. Just chat about whatever crosses your mind. If you’d like to pick up a new hobby and learn more about the world around you, consider downloading Merlin, the bird identification app from Cornell Lab. Challenge each other to spot any birds the app picks up in your area. The first person to find them all doesn’t have to wash the dishes this week!
How to cook a romantic dinner without breaking the bank?
If you live in the Northern US, you may have come across a plant known as Garlic Mustard in your local park or growing along the roadside. Garlic Mustard is an invasive plant in North America that spreads like wildfire and chokes out native plant species. Luckily, it pulls up quite easily and is edible! Last year I experimented with using it for a Saag Paneer style dish which turned out quite well. Click here to read more about Garlic Mustard identification and disposal options (https://extension.umn.edu/identify-invasive-species/garlic-mustard).
While out on your walk in the park, you might come across some Garlic Mustard along a path. Younger plants are less bitter, so early spring is the perfect time to harvest. Pull the plant up by the roots and remove the leaves. Rinse the leaves well and blanch in a pot of boiling water for 30 seconds followed by an ice bath. This will ensure that your thrifty greens are free of debris and ready to consume. Burn or leave any remaining parts of the plant in a bag to decompose, and do not throw them in the trash [link to U of M]. This can cause unintentional seed spreading, which is exactly the opposite of what we want to do!
If you’d rather not bother with foraging for your greens, feel free to use spinach or Swiss chard instead to make a delicious vegetarian Saag/Palak Paneer. I like this recipe [https://www.indianhealthyrecipes.com/palak-paneer-recipe-easy-paneer-recipes-step-by-step-pics/] which omits a fair amount of the cream which is often used in restaurants. There’s something about a smooth, green stew that just screams *fancy* to me. And since it freezes so well, go ahead and make a double batch ahead of time, or freeze the leftovers to use later on in the week for a healthy and delicious meal.
What is an entry level kink to spice things up?
Now that you’ve both been walked and fed, it’s time to have some playtime before bed. After all, an element of play is crucial to long term relationship success. If you’ve been feeling pressure to perform sexually or romantically, take it off the table entirely! That’s right, intentionally remove sex as a possibility for that night. Focus on physical connection and intimacy that is *not* explicit in nature. How might you do that exactly? Well, I’m biased, but rope can be a pretty fun way to get creative and playful in a sexy (but not explicitly sexual) way.
Set the mood first. If you’re in a bedroom, fluff your pillows and turn down those sheets! Make things feel a little freshened up. Then, dim the lights and light a candle or some other low light source. Keep it calm and sexy. Next, put on some tunes! If you’ve got a speaker, turn it on and let the music guide you. Whether you’d like to keep things light and casual [Casual Rope Playlist ] or a little more moody and serious [Vibey-y Rope Playlist] there’s something out there that will work for you.
Finally, get out your rope! If you’re new to shibari and would like to learn more about rope bondage as an art and connective tool, consider checking out some of the tutorials here on TheDuchy. If you need some rope, we’ve got you covered with our rope vendors page. And if you need somewhere to start (after all, we’ve got over 300 tutorials on here), then let me suggest the Pentagram Harness. It’s a cute and flirty design that is both beginner friendly and beloved by experts.
While you’re tying, focus on applying the rope slowly and sensually. Don’t rush yourself. *This* is the part of the evening you should savor. Think about all of the ways in which you appreciate your rope partner. Tell them while you tie. Appreciate every moment you have together, and the trust they’ve put in you to share this moment with them. Even when the rope is coming off, savor each moment. The way the rope glides across the skin, the rough or smooth texture, the sound or smell or weight.
Finally, take care of yourselves afterwards. Have a small treat prepared (a salted caramel and a glass of water or something similar) and reward yourselves for caring for your relationship. The world is a complicated place, and you both took the time to take care of each other. That should be celebrated and appreciated.
Plan to do it again!
Of course, any part of this date night plan can be modified to fit your needs. Going on a solo date? Connecting with an old friend? Whatever it is, tweak the suggested activities and recipe to suit your specific needs and desires. Regardless of whether you change everything or nothing, I hope you set aside time to care for yourself by caring for your relationships. It is through community and connection that we will make this world a better place. And if you tried it out and enjoyed it, schedule your next date as soon as possible! Hold yourself accountable to your calendar and begin to prioritize yourself again.
If you try this, I’d love to hear how it went! If you feel comfortable, leave a comment below!
Author: Kajira Blue
May 25th, 2025